Tech

Welcome to the EANA MCC

Technical Advise page

Glossary of terminology or 'what the manual really means'

' Rotate Clockwise' Clamp with molegrips and beat repeatedly with Hammer

'Anti-clockwise' No the otherway

'This will be a snug fit' Clamp with molegrips and beat repeatedly with Hammer

' This is a tight fit' Clamp with molegrips and beat repeatedly with a Bigger Hammer

'As described in chapter 4 ' That'll teach you to read through before you start. now your looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox and wondering how you got there.

'Pry ' Hammer a screwdriver into

'Undo' Buy a giant tin of WD40 and use generously

'Retain tiny Spring' PINGGGGG

' Press and rotate to remove bulb' Thats the glass bit off, now fetch the pliers to dig out the bayonet part ( don't forget the first aid kit)

'Lightly' Start off lightly and biuld up till the veins on your fourhead are throbbing, thenclamp with mole grips and beat repeatedly with hammer

'weekly checks' If it an't broke don't fix it. in fact forget about it

'Routine maintenace' If it an't broke, it's sure as hell is about to be.

'One spanner rating' An infant could do this...so how did you f*ck it up?

'Two spanner rating' Now you may think that you can do this because a two is a low number...but you also thought the wiring diagram was a map of the Moscow underground

'Three spanner rating' make sure you won't need your bike for a while

'Four spanner rating' you not considering this, are you?

'Five spanner rating' Ok - but don't ever carry your loved ones on it again

'Bolt will be tight ' you haven't a hope in hell

'Tap' Hit!

'Alternatively, you can fabricate your own special tool simply and quickly, Ha ...Haha.....Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

'Compress' Squeeze with all your might, jump up & down on it, throw it at the garage wall, then find some molegrips and a large hammer

'Inspect' Squint at it really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife"yep it's f*cked, going to have to buy a new one"

'Carefully' you are about to suffer deep lacerations

'Retaining nut' That big spherical blob of rust

'Turning the engine will be easier with the spark plugs removed' However starting the engine again will be much harder. ......Once that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach has subsided, you can gingerly refit the spark plugs.

'Refiting is the reverse sequence to removal' Yes, but you will swear in different places

'Prise away plastic locating pegs' Snap off

' Using a suitable drift' Clamp with molegrips and beat repeatedly with Hammer

'Apply moderate Heat' Unless you have a blast furnace don't bother. Alternatively, Clamp with molegrips and beat repeatedly with Hammer

'Index, List of everything in the book, except what you need to know

'Everyday toolkit' Will cost more than your house, alternatively a hammer and a pair of mole grips

I thank Ernie from the FJ owners club for the above

Please note that EANA MCC take no responsibility for consequences of following any of the above discriptions or advise,

At no time were any moles harmed during the research for this page